What does subtle autism look like and how can parents better understand their child's internal experience?

As a teacher and educational consultant, I have worked over the past 20 years to support families as they navigate the world of special education. I am always looking for additional resources for families. So, when I came across the book "Is This Autism? A Guide for Clinicians and Everyone Else," I was eager to see if this book was truly for "everyone else," especially parents.

If you are autism-curious, this book could help you better understand your child.

To learn more, I recently sat down with Sarah Wayland, Ph.D., who co-wrote "Is This Autism?" with Donna Henderson, Psy.D, and Jamell White, PhD. Dr. Wayland is the founder of Guiding Exceptional Parents and co-founder of The Survival to Success Accelerator. She provides neurodiversity-affirmative support, education and community for parents of neurodivergent children.

Jackie Beach: Can you describe a parent who should read this book?

Sarah Wayland: If you are autism-curious, this book could help you better understand your child. Parents of children who struggle to connect with others, who don't seem to understand how the world works or who are exhausted after the school day may have an underlying issue that requires a deeper understanding. This book can open a dialogue between parents and their children about what the child's experience is really like.

JB: Why is it important to identify and understand less obvious presentations of autism?

SW: Psychology—and the "Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM) in particular—relies on external manifestations for diagnosis. But what shows up on the outside is often not what is going on inside. We wrote this book for the people who have learned to show others what they think they want to see. We all do this to some extent. Constant masking, however, can be exhausting for people with autism. They may have learned to hide what is going on inside so others won't get upset with them. If you don't have those differences, it is hard to understand how much work this can be. A parent may not realize all of the internal strategies that their child has put into place and how hard that can be for them each day. That is where curiosity comes in for parents. It is helpful to have empathy and compassion for our kids.

JB: Can you talk about the structure of the book?

SW: We worked to make this book easy to read. We describe the diagnostic criteria in the first part of the book. In each chapter, we first describe what people think those criteria look like. Then we describe what you may actually see and other ways they could show up for someone with autism. This is where the internal experience matters. We provide real life examples, and quotes from autistic people to make it relatable.

JB: What advocacy skills do you hope parents gain, especially when co-occurring conditions exist?

SW: Every body-system is more vulnerable in an autistic person. One of the challenges I had as a parent is that my kids have had perplexing co-occurring conditions. Three conditions that are prevalent and every parent needs to know more about are anxiety, ADHD and depression. My older son had an alphabet soup of diagnoses, many of which were not autism specific. If a parent feels like their child is showing a bunch of these differences, maybe think about whether autism could be part of the picture.

JB: The book has a chapter dedicated to autistic strengths. Why was it a priority for you to include this chapter?

SW: People don't discuss autistic strengths enough - with the exception of a few individuals, like the creator of the Survey of Autistic Strengths, Skills, and Interests (SASSI) and Temple Grandin. We wanted to spotlight autistic talents and skills because people are just not talking enough about them.

JB: How can someone be a better friend to a parent of a child with neurodevelopmental differences?

SW: Part of the journey for many parents of a child with neurodevelopmental differences is losing friends. People don't get your world. There is already so much self-imposed shame for parents; these differences add a whole new layer. If your friend's children are behaving in a way that doesn't make sense to you, I would say, "Get curious!"

Jackie Beach, M.Ed., is a Family Resiliency Program (FRP) facilitator for the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) and an educational consultant with more than 20 years of experience in educational leadership and family support. She is also the founder and director of Rally Family Support LLC.